What Is Self-Doubt?
Self-doubt is a normal part of being human, but it can become overwhelming. This blog explores why we experience self-doubt, how it shows up, and what to do when it gets in the way.
Self-doubt is something most of us will experience at some point. Whether it’s second-guessing a decision, overthinking something we said in a meeting, or worrying whether we’ve done enough — doubt can creep in and make even the most capable person feel unsure.
And if this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. In fact, it’s something I see in my therapy practice all the time, especially among high-achieving professionals who care deeply about doing things well.
But what actually is self-doubt? Why does it show up — and what makes it spiral into something that leaves us stuck, anxious, or burnt out?
Let’s take a closer look.
Doubt Is Normal — And Often a Sign That You Care
We tend to treat self-doubt as a problem — something to get rid of or “beat.” But the truth is, having doubts doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.
In fact, it’s usually a sign of something very human: you care. You want to do a good job. You want to get it right. You want to make a good impression or avoid causing harm. And so you worry.
That’s completely understandable.
It also means self-doubt often shows up in the areas of life that matter most — work, relationships, parenting, study, or public speaking. You’re unlikely to doubt yourself over something that feels irrelevant or unimportant. So when doubt is present, it’s usually pointing to something meaningful.
But When Self-Doubt Takes Over…
It becomes a problem when it starts to dominate. When every decision feels like a minefield. When you find yourself stuck in a loop of:
- Overthinking and second-guessing
- Constantly checking and rechecking
- Seeking reassurance
- Putting things off
- Working longer and harder to feel “safe”
- Avoiding situations where you might get it wrong
At this point, doubt is no longer just a passing feeling — it’s starting to shape how you live, work, and relate to yourself.
You might even know that your doubts are exaggerated or unfounded, but they feel real and urgent. And so you respond as if something bad is about to happen — even when there’s no real danger.
Why Does This Happen?
To make sense of this, it helps to understand how the mind works.
Self-doubt is essentially a fear response. It’s your threat system kicking in — that part of your brain designed to keep you safe from danger. Thousands of years ago, it helped our ancestors stay alive. Today, it responds not to wild animals, but to perceived risks like failure, criticism, or rejection.
It’s especially sensitive if you’ve had past experiences where making a mistake led to painful consequences — being shamed, punished, rejected, or humiliated. The mind remembers, and tries to protect you from going through it again.
So it watches for signs of threat:
“Did I say the wrong thing?”
“What if this isn’t good enough?”
“What if I get found out?”
It doesn’t wait for certainty — it responds to possibility. And that’s a key reason self-doubt sticks around: we’re wired to struggle with uncertainty and discomfort. The not-knowing can feel unbearable.
So we try to fix it — through checking, reassurance, overpreparing — anything to reduce the threat.
But here’s the catch…
Trying to “Fix” Doubt Can Make It Worse
You might think that the solution to self-doubt is to push through it, outwork it, or silence it with facts and logic.
But if you’ve tried that, you’ll know: it only works temporarily.
Because doubt isn’t just about facts — it’s driven by emotion. It’s your anxious mind trying to protect you. The more you argue with it, the louder it can get. The more you try to control it, the more entangled you become.
In the same way you can’t reason with a smoke alarm to stop beeping when you’ve burnt the toast, you can’t always reason self-doubt into silence.
So what’s the alternative?
A Different Approach: Understanding, Not Battling
Rather than trying to defeat self-doubt, therapy offers a different path — one based on understanding and changing your relationship with it.
Here’s what that can look like:
1. Recognising the Pattern
Start by noticing when self-doubt shows up. What does it sound like? What do you feel in your body? What do you do in response? Awareness is the first step in shifting the cycle.
2. Understanding Its Function
Instead of seeing doubt as a flaw, see it as your mind trying to protect you — albeit clumsily. It's not the enemy. It’s a protective system responding to perceived threat, uncertainty, or discomfort.
3. Stepping Back
Through psychological flexibility (a key part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), you can learn to “unhook” from self-doubt — seeing it as a mental process, rather than a truth you must act on.
4. Bringing Compassion
This is where Compassion Focused Therapy comes in. When self-doubt shows up, imagine how you’d respond to a friend who was struggling. Instead of self-criticism or avoidance, can you offer support and encouragement to yourself?
5. Making Space for Uncertainty
The goal isn’t to eliminate uncertainty or discomfort — it’s to learn how to tolerate it, make room for it, and continue moving toward what matters. That’s the essence of courage.
Final Thoughts
Self-doubt isn’t a flaw — it’s a function. One that’s trying to keep you safe, but often ends up keeping you stuck.
And the answer isn’t to fight harder or think your way out of it.
It’s to notice what’s happening, respond with compassion, and learn to act in line with your values — even when doubt is whispering in your ear.
If this is something you’re struggling with, therapy can help you step out of these loops and start building a new relationship with yourself — one that’s not ruled by fear, but guided by what’s important to you.