The Soloist Imposter: Why Asking for Help Feels Like Failure

This is the third post in the series looking at the one of the five patterns of Imposter Syndrome identified by Dr. Valerie Young. In the previous two posts we looked at the Perfectionist Imposter, and then the Expert Imposter.

For others, imposter syndrome isn’t about being perfect or knowing everything, it’s about doing everything alone. This is the Soloist Imposter,

🎯 What Defines the Soloist?

The Soloist equates competence with independence, where success only feels valid if it’s achieved without support.

Signs include:

• Reluctance to ask for help, fearing it makes you look weak.

• Struggling to delegate - “I’ll just do it myself.”

• Avoiding collaboration in case it highlights gaps.

• Minimising achievements if support was involved.

• Feeling shame when feedback or guidance is needed.

On the surface, it can look like resilience or self-sufficiency, but underneath, it’s driven by fear: “If I can’t do this alone, I’m not good enough.”

⚡ The Hidden Costs

The Soloist pattern is exhausting as it creates unnecessary pressure and isolates you from others.

• Burnout: from carrying too much alone.

• Missed opportunities: ignoring collaboration that could spark growth.

• Isolation: feeling like you can’t show vulnerability or lean on others.

• Reinforced self-doubt: because needing help is misinterpreted as failure.

The irony? Collaboration and support are often how people grow and succeed, and by refusing them, the Soloist Imposter keeps you stuck.

🧭 An ACT/CFT Perspective

From an ACT perspective, the Soloist is driven by experiential avoidance, trying to avoid feelings of vulnerability, inadequacy, or exposure by refusing support.

From a Compassion-Focused Therapy angle, the Soloist often has an overactive “drive” and “threat” system but an underused “soothing” system. Accepting help feels threatening because it activates shame rather than compassion.

But here’s the truth: asking for help is not weakness, it’s connection. Connection is what helps regulate and strengthen us.

🌤 A Different Way Forward

Breaking the Soloist pattern doesn’t mean abandoning independence, rather it means recognising that asking for help is a form of strength, not failure.

Practical shifts include:

1. Reframe asking for help. It’s not a flaw, it’s a skill that enables growth.

2. Values check. Ask: “What matters most here - protecting my pride, or delivering value and learning?”

3. Start small. Practise asking for input on minor tasks, then build up.

4. Compassion practice. Remind yourself: “Everyone needs support sometimes and it doesn’t make me less capable.”

🌟 Final Thoughts

The Soloist Imposter thrives on the illusion that competence = independence, but in reality, refusing help fuels burnout, isolation, and ongoing self-doubt.

Real strength isn’t doing it all alone, it’s recognising when connection, collaboration, and support move you further forward.

👉 This is part three in my series on the 5 Imposter Types. Next up: The Natural Genius.