Most of us are experts at struggling with our own minds.
When anxiety or self-doubt shows up, our instinct is to push it away, silence it, or out-think it. And for a moment, it might feel like it works, but very quickly, the doubts creep back in, often louder than before.
This is what keeps many people stuck in cycles of imposter syndrome. The harder you try to get rid of the “fraud” feelings, the tighter their grip becomes.
Why Struggle Doesn’t Work
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) has a term for this: the control agenda. It’s the human tendency to treat uncomfortable thoughts and feelings like problems to be solved or eliminated.
But the mind doesn’t work like that and struggling with it often makes things worse.
Here are a few metaphors I use with clients:
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The Chinese Finger Trap: the logical thing to do is to pull your fingers out, but the harder you pull, the more it tightens. The only way out is counterintuitive, push your fingers in, soften your grip, and suddenly there’s space.
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Quicksand: the more you thrash to get free, the deeper you sink. Survival means spreading out, slowing down, and leaning into it.
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Pushing Away Paper: imagine holding a heavy stack of papers at arm’s length. The harder you resist, the more tiring it becomes. Bringing the stack close (instead of fighting it) gives you freedom to move.
Each metaphor points to the same thing: the struggle is the problem.
Imposter Syndrome Through This Lens
Take Mark (name changed), a client who often felt like a fraud at work.
In meetings and presentations, his mind would say:
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“You don’t belong here.”
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“They’ll find you out.”
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“You’re not as smart as the others.”
Mark’s instinct was to fight these thoughts, to double-check his work late into the night, to rehearse presentations endlessly, to try and “prove” himself beyond doubt.
But it never worked. The harder he tried to silence self-doubt, the louder it seemed to get, like the finger trap, his efforts only tightened its hold.
A Different Approach
ACT offers a counterintuitive alternative: stop struggling, start anchoring.
Instead of fighting thoughts and feelings, you:
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Notice and acknowledge them (“Here’s anxiety again. Here’s the fraud story.”).
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Make space for them: like pushing your fingers into the trap.
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Ground yourself in the moment (Dropping Anchor).
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Reconnect with your values: the reason you’re in that meeting, giving that presentation, or submitting that piece of work.
This doesn’t erase self-doubt. But it loosens its grip, giving you freedom to act in line with what matters rather than what fear dictates.
Why This Works
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Psychological Flexibility: You learn to respond differently to internal experiences, rather than being controlled by them.
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Reduced Avoidance: By dropping the fight, you stop feeding the cycle of overwork, perfectionism, and procrastination.
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Values Alignment: Anchoring lets you bring your focus back to your deeper purpose, not just your fears.
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Neuroplasticity: Repeating this process rewires attention and emotional regulation pathways in the brain.
Final Thoughts
Imposter syndrome thrives on struggle. The more you try to prove yourself, the deeper you sink, the more you fight the doubts, the tighter they hold.
Dropping the struggle doesn’t mean giving up, it means learning to steady yourself, make space for difficult thoughts and feelings, and choose actions that reflect your values.
It’s counterintuitive and it takes practice. But it’s also deeply freeing.
👉 If you’d like to learn practical ways to step out of the struggle and handle imposter syndrome differently, therapy can help.