Do you hold yourself to impossibly high standards? Maybe even when things go well, it’s hard to feel good about them—you zero in on what wasn’t quite right, what could have been better. If there’s a voice inside that says, “You’re still not good enough” no matter how much you achieve, perfectionism could be playing a bigger role than you realise. And it might be feeding your imposter feelings too.
What is Perfectionism, Really?
Perfectionism isn’t simply about doing your best. It’s more like a constant pressure to get things exactly right—and a fear of what might happen if you don’t. It’s often driven by a deeper sense that your worth depends on how well you perform. When your self-esteem is tied to achievement, the fear of failing or being criticised can become overwhelming. It’s no surprise that perfectionism and imposter syndrome so often go hand in hand.
A Coping Strategy That Turns Against You
Perfectionism can start as a way of coping—trying to stay safe from judgment, failure, or being “found out.” If everything is done perfectly, then maybe no one will question your abilities. It makes sense as a strategy, especially if you’ve felt that making mistakes wasn’t an option.
But like many coping strategies, it can become rigid and limiting. What starts as a protective strategy often becomes part of the problem.
When Perfectionism Becomes a Trap
Perfectionism isn’t inherently good or bad—it depends on how it's used and whether it’s helping or hurting in a given situation. But it becomes a problem when it’s the only way you know how to feel safe or successful. You might notice:
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Unrealistic standards: You set the bar so high that no success ever feels like enough.
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Negativity bias: Even when things go well, your mind zooms in on what didn’t.
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Fear-driven avoidance: The pressure to get it right can lead to procrastination, overworking, or giving up altogether.
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Disowning your achievements: If something goes well, it’s probably down to luck or help from others—not your own skill or effort.
In this cycle, even your successes don’t help. Because if you had to push that hard to make it happen, then it doesn’t feel like real ability. There’s never a chance to find out what you’re capable of without all the striving—and so the self-doubt stays stuck.
What Helps?
Shifting these patterns takes time, but it is possible. Therapy can help you explore what’s underneath the perfectionism—and find new ways of relating to yourself that are grounded, kinder, and more sustainable. You might begin to:
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Recognise the perfectionist voice: Notice when it shows up, what it says, and what it pushes you to do.
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Challenge the harshness: Ask where these standards come from—and whether they’re really helping.
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Practise self-compassion: Learn to respond to self-doubt with understanding rather than pressure.
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Celebrate progress: Let yourself notice what’s going well, even when it’s not perfect.
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Redefine what success means: Move away from “flawless” and towards what matters to you—growth, connection, authenticity.
Moving Forward
Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean giving up on doing well. It means finding a more balanced, more human way to relate to your efforts and your worth. One that doesn’t depend on everything being just right.
You don’t have to keep proving yourself. You’re already enough—flaws and all.