Patterns That Keep You Stuck
Introduction
If you’re someone who tends to work harder whenever stress, uncertainty, or self-doubt shows up, you’re not alone, many high-achieving professionals fall into the same pattern:
the moment anxiety rises, effort rises with it.
Not because they’re trying to win Employee of the Month, but because working harder feels safer.
Overworking often looks responsible from the outside, committed, driven, invested, but on the inside, it’s usually fuelled by fear: fear of getting something wrong, of letting someone down, of being judged, of being “found out,” or fear of falling behind.
This is why, despite good intentions, overworking rarely reduces stress.
In fact, it becomes one of the core patterns that keep people stuck in imposter syndrome, burnout, and chronic overwhelm.
Before we get into the “why,” here’s what this pattern looks like in real people.
Client Example: The Manager Who Couldn’t Stop Working
Let’s call her Alex, a composite of many clients who’ve sat in my therapy room.
Alex was leading a team, meeting challenging deadlines, sending emails late into the night, and constantly thinking about work. She described an ongoing knot of tension in her stomach, the kind of feeling that never really switches off.
If she didn’t feel 100% confident about something, she compensated by working longer.
If a task felt uncertain or important, she doubled the effort.
If she felt judged or questioned, she tripled it.
She wasn’t trying to impress anyone, she was trying to stay safe.
From the outside she looked committed, but on the inside she felt like she was “two steps behind and trying to catch up.”
She wasn’t lazy or disorganised, she was stuck in one of the most common loops I see in high performers:
Anxiety → More Work → Exhaustion → More Anxiety → More Work
You can’t outwork a fear-based cycle, but it’s incredibly understandable that people try.
Why Overworking Feels So Necessary
At first glance, overworking looks like a “productivity issue,” but psychologically it’s something else entirely:
a safety behaviour.
A safety behaviour is anything you do to reduce anxiety in the short term, and overworking does exactly that:
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It creates a sense of control.
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It reduces uncertainty (temporarily).
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It provides quick relief from doubt.
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It feels like “proof” you’re trying hard.
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It delays the discomfort of stopping.
The mind learns:
“If I work more, I feel less anxious.”
So it keeps pushing.
But there’s a catch.
The relief lasts minutes or hours… and the cost piles up over weeks, months, and years.
The Threat–Drive Cycle (and Why It Traps High Achievers)
In CFT terms, overworking is the result of the threat system hijacking the drive system.
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Threat activates:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I can’t mess this up.”
“They’ll think I’m incompetent.”
“I’m behind.” -
Body responds:
Tension, adrenaline, racing thoughts. -
Drive system kicks in to fix it:
“Work harder.”
“Push through.”
“Stay late.”
“Do more.” -
Short-term relief:
Phew… momentary calm. -
Long-term consequence:
Exhaustion, stress, irritability, reduced performance, more mistakes, more self-criticism. -
Threat increases again:
“I’m still not doing enough.”
Cycle repeats.
This is why overworking isn’t a performance strategy, it’s a threat strategy.
How Imposter Syndrome Feeds Overworking
Imposter feelings almost always lead to more effort, not because someone wants to be exceptional, but because the mind says:
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“If you work harder, they won’t see your weaknesses.”
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“You can hide the fact you’re struggling.”
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“Overprepare so no one can criticise you.”
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“Do it yourself, it’s safer than delegating.”
The irony? Overworking actually reinforces imposter beliefs:
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You never feel “good enough” because you’re exhausted.
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You don’t feel confident because everything feels high-stakes.
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You don’t feel competent because you don’t rest long enough to reflect on your successes.
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You can’t delegate because you’re terrified something will go wrong.
The more you work, the less capable you feel, because the behaviour is driven by fear, not values.
What Overworking Looks Like in Real Life
Clients often tell me they’re “just busy.”
But overworking has a distinctive shape:
Behavioural signs:
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Taking on tasks outside your role
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Staying late “just to get ahead”
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Over checking or perfecting tasks
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Struggling to stop or rest
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Avoiding delegating
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Answering emails immediately
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Filling every gap with work
Cognitive signs:
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“I should be doing more.”
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“I can’t let anything slip.”
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“Everyone else seems to cope.”
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“If I slow down, I’ll fall behind.”
Emotional signs:
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Exhaustion
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Irritability
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Anxiety
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Guilt for not working
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Shame for struggling
Physical symptoms:
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Tension
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Poor sleep
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Tired but wired
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Headaches
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Feeling unable to switch off
If this feels familiar, you’re in very good company.
Why Telling Yourself to “Work Less” Doesn’t Work
People often try this:
“I’ll finish early today.”
“I’ll only do one more email.”
“I’ll take the weekend off.”
But without understanding the cycle underneath, this advice falls apart because the urge to keep working isn’t logical, it’s protective.
If the mind believes working harder keeps you safe from failure, judgement, or shame, it won’t let you switch off.
This is where therapy helps.
Therapeutic Approach: How To Break the Overworking Cycle
This is where ACT, CBT, CFT, EMDR, and values work come together beautifully.
1. Awareness (Step 1)
Mapping the specific patterns:
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When do you start overworking?
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What emotions trigger it?
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What thoughts show up?
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What are you avoiding or trying to prevent?
Awareness turns overworking from a character flaw into a pattern you can work with.
2. Making Sense (Step 2)
Understanding why this pattern formed:
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Past experiences of criticism
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Fear of judgement
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High expectations
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Old memories that link effort → safety
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Family messages about work ethic
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Threat–drive cycles
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Shame and self-criticism
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Perfectionism rules (“I must not make mistakes”)
Psychoeducation here reduces shame and increases compassion.
3. Skills (Step 3)
Building tools to create space between the urge and the behaviour:
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Defusion: noticing the “work harder” stories
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Dropping anchor exercises
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Attention shifts
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Self-compassion techniques
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Activating the soothing system
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Body-regulation skills
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Imagery practices
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Allowing discomfort without reacting
The aim isn’t to remove anxietym it’s to loosen its grip.
4. Values & Action (Step 4)
Moving towards:
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leadership rather than rescuing
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delegating effectively
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working in line with your actual job role
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setting boundaries
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rest
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relationships
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health and energy
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meaning outside work
Actions become values-led, not fear-led.
Small changes → big impact.
What Change Looks Like
Clients who break the overworking cycle often report:
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calmer approach to work
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clearer thinking
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improved sleep
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more sustainable energy
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less reactivity
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better leadership
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re-engagement with hobbies
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improved relationships
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reduced imposter feelings
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more confidence (from action, not reassurance)
They don’t become “less driven.”
They become driven by values, not fear.
FAQs
Why do I overwork even when I don’t want to?
Because your brain has learned that effort reduces anxiety, temporarily. It’s a safety loop, not a time-management problem.
Is overworking linked to imposter syndrome?
Very much so. Many people overwork to hide perceived flaws or prevent judgement.
How can therapy help me stop overworking?
Therapy helps identify the pattern, understand its function, build new responses to anxiety, and create values-led actions.
Does overworking mean I’m a perfectionist?
Not always, but perfectionism and overworking often coexist, especially when fear of mistakes is high.
Why can’t I switch off?
Because your threat system hasn’t stood down. Learning to activate the soothing/safeness system is key.
Conclusion:
Overworking Isn’t a Character Flaw - It’s a Pattern You Can Change
Overworking can look impressive from the outside, but on the inside it’s usually an attempt to feel safe.
When you understand the function of the behaviour, and build the skills to respond differently then the cycle begins to shift.
You don’t need to become less capable, less ambitious, or less committed.
You simply learn to work in a way that’s aligned with your values rather than driven by fear.
If any part of this pattern feels familiar, therapy can help you build the clarity, confidence, and psychological flexibility to change it.