Part of the series: Patterns That Keep You Stuck
Introduction
Many high-achieving professionals tell me they don’t delegate because it’s “quicker to do it themselves” or because they “don’t want to overload others.”
On the surface, that sounds reasonable, even quite responsible, however if we look more closely, not delegating is rarely about efficiency or kindness. More often, it’s driven by fear.
- Fear of mistakes.
- Fear of losing control.
- Fear of being judged.
- Fear of things going wrong and reflecting badly on you.
- Fear of being exposed as “not good enough.”
For managers and leaders, this pattern is especially common, and especially costly.
Not delegating doesn’t just increase workload, it quietly keeps people stuck in stress, self-doubt, and imposter feelings.
Client Example: The Manager Who Couldn’t Let Go
One client I worked with, let’s call him Mark, really struggled with delegating.
Mark led a capable team, but he rarely delegated anything that felt important.
If a task mattered, he did it himself.
If a deadline felt tight, he stepped in.
If someone struggled, he took over rather than coaching.
If the quality wasn’t exactly right, he corrected it.
Whilst Mark looked committed and highly involved, he reported feeling stressed and exhausted.
He worked long hours, felt constantly behind, and worried he wasn’t doing a good enough job as a leader.
Ironically, the more he held on, the less confident he felt.
He put it like this:
“If I delegate and something goes wrong, that’s on me. It’s safer if I just do it myself.”
This is the control loop at the heart of delegation anxiety.
What Not Delegating Really Is
Not delegating can be a safety behaviour. A safety behaviour is something we do to reduce anxiety in the short term, but tends to reinforce the fears and can even create bigger problems in the long-term.
Not delegating temporarily reduces fear by:
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keeping you in control
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reducing uncertainty
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preventing mistakes
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avoiding judgement
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stopping things from going “wrong”
And for a moment, it works, but over time, it creates a trap.
What Not Delegating Looks Like in Practice
At work:
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Doing tasks that should sit with your team
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Micromanaging details
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Reworking others’ output rather than feeding back
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Stepping in “just to be safe”
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Avoiding delegation on high-stakes tasks
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Taking responsibility for everything
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Becoming the bottleneck
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Working longer hours to keep control
Internally:
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“I can’t trust anyone else with this.”
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“It’ll be quicker if I do it.”
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“I don’t want to have to fix mistakes later.”
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“If it goes wrong, it’ll reflect badly on me.”
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“I can’t afford for this to fail.”
Emotionally:
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pressure
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tension
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responsibility overload
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fear of mistakes
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anxiety about being judged
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resentment and exhaustion
Why High Achievers Struggle to Delegate
High achievers are particularly vulnerable to this pattern because:
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They often tie self-worth to performance
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They’re used to being competent and reliable
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They fear visible mistakes
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Imposter feelings drive overcompensation
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Leadership roles increase exposure and responsibility
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Control feels safer than uncertainty
Delegation requires trust, not just in others, but in yourself, and when self-doubt is present, trust feels risky.
The Short-Term Relief / Long-Term Cost Loop
Short-term relief:
✓ Reduced anxiety
✓ Sense of control
✓ Fewer unknowns
✓ Feeling “on top of things”
Long-term cost:
✗ Overworking and burnout
✗ Bottlenecks and inefficiency
✗ Reduced team confidence
✗ Micromanagement
✗ Poor boundaries
✗ Loss of leadership role
✗ Stronger imposter feelings
✗ Feeling indispensable but exhausted
The more you hold on, the more pressure you carry and the less capable you feel.
How Not Delegating Fuels Imposter Syndrome
When you don’t delegate:
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everything feels high stakes
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mistakes feel catastrophic
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you never experience your team coping
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you reinforce the belief “only I can do this properly”
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you equate control with competence
This quietly strengthens imposter beliefs:
“If I let go, I’ll be exposed.”
“If something fails, it proves I’m not good enough.”
So the behaviour continues.
The Psychology Behind Delegation Anxiety (ACT, CFT, CBT)
ACT: Control and Avoidance
Not delegating is an avoidance strategy - avoiding uncertainty, discomfort, and anxiety.
The short-term relief reinforces the behaviour, even though it shrinks long-term freedom.
CFT: Threat and Drive Dominance
Threat system: “Something could go wrong.”
Drive system: “Do it yourself. Fix it. Control it.”
Soothing system: sidelined.
This is why delegation anxiety feels urgent and intense.
CBT: Rules and Beliefs
Common rules include:
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“A good leader doesn’t make mistakes.”
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“If I don’t stay in control, things will fall apart.”
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“Delegating is risky.”
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“Responsibility means doing it myself.”
These rules keep the loop alive.
How Therapy Helps Break the Control Loop
1. Awareness
Noticing:
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when you avoid delegating
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which tasks feel “too risky”
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what you’re predicting will happen
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what emotions you’re trying to avoid
Awareness creates space for choice.
2. Making Sense (Compassionately)
Understanding:
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why control feels safer
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where these beliefs came from
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how imposter fears feed the pattern
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why your nervous system resists letting go
This reduces shame and self-criticism.
3. Skills for Letting Go
Building the capacity to:
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tolerate uncertainty
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manage anxiety when delegating
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ground your body
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unhook from catastrophic predictions
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use compassionate self-talk
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allow others to learn and make mistakes
Delegation becomes something you practise, not something you wait to feel ready for.
4. Values-Led Delegation
Values shift the focus from:
“Will this go perfectly?”
to:
“What kind of leader do I want to be?”
This might include:
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trust
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development
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collaboration
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fairness
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sustainability
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leading rather than rescuing
Delegation becomes an act of leadership, not a loss of control.
What Change Looks Like (Composite Outcome)
Clients who begin delegating report:
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reduced workload
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clearer boundaries
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calmer leadership
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more confidence
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better team development
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fewer bottlenecks
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improved wellbeing
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less resentment
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imposter feelings losing their grip
They don’t stop caring, the just stop carrying everything alone.
FAQs
Why do I struggle to delegate even when I know I should?
Because delegation activates anxiety and uncertainty. Doing it yourself feels safer in the short term.
Is not delegating linked to imposter syndrome?
Yes. Many people avoid delegation to prevent mistakes that might expose self-doubt.
Does delegating mean lowering standards?
No. It means shifting from control to leadership and development.
How can therapy help with delegation anxiety?
Therapy helps you understand the fear, build tolerance for uncertainty, and act from values rather than threat.
Conclusion: Not Delegating Isn’t About Being Responsible, It’s Fear in Disguise
Not delegating often looks like commitment and responsibility, but underneath, it’s usually fear, such as the fear of mistakes, judgement, and loss of control.
When you understand the pattern and learn to tolerate the discomfort of letting go, delegation becomes less threatening and leadership becomes more sustainable.
You don’t need to do everything yourself to be competent, sometimes, letting go is the most capable move you can make.